I bet you just can’t wait for another Christmas wish, right? Well, let’s get that out of the way first: Merry Christmas. And Happy Hanukkah, as well. We celebrate both holidays at my house. When you celebrate, don’t over-indulge. Most of my DUI cases happen by accident. No one plans on getting pulled over for drunk driving, but somehow, it happens. Plan specifically to NOT let this happen to you. Uber is everywhere, and whatever inconvenience you might have to endure to stay somewhere or get a ride home, it will be thousands of time worse if you get popped for a drunk driving offense.
To anyone who is planning an appeal to win back a Michigan driver’ license, or to remove a Michigan hold on their driving record, know that you must be genuinely sober to start the process with any chance of success. If you are, then you have a much deeper understanding of what it means to celebrate the season. You also almost certainly have more to celebrate. Sobriety is a gift that can be tested at this time of year. No matter what, remember that it has never worked out for anyone to go back and try to drink moderately. Never. It won’t work for you, either, but all the trouble you remember will be back in your lap in no time. If you even have to think about controlling or limiting your drinking, that alone proves you’re not a normal drinker. Just don’t pick up.
Criminal charges sometimes seem to come out of the blue at this time of year. From drug possession, including possession of marijuana, and embezzlement charges, all the way to indecent exposure offenses, sometimes people just act out because the holidays can be every bit as stressful as they can be fun. So you get it; take care of yourself, and if you need help, my office is here to do just that. Now, in the true spirit of the season, let’s chuckle at a good Christmas joke…
A little kid sits on Santa’s lap, and Santa says, “What would you like for Christmas?” The kid says, “A $*#%@#$ swingset.” Santa says, “You’ll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you presents. Let’s try again. What else would you like?”
The kid says, “A $*#%@#$ sandbox for the side yard.” Santa says, “That’s no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would you like for Christmas?”
The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, “I want a $*#%@#$ trampoline in the front yard.” Santa lifts the boy off his lap and goes to talk to the kid’s parents. He tells them what the kid said, and then says, “I know how to stop it. Don’t get him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the swingset, put another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline. That should make him change his tune.” Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his presents, and there aren’t any. He runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head.
His father says, “What’s wrong, son?” The kid says, “Santa brought me a $*#%@#$ dog, but I can’t find him!”
Happy holidays to you!